I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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