I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
