Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize