Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My feet surprised me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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