this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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