mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
