So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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