:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
