Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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