he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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