if you like me you must not know who I am
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sarcasm needs its own font
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
