Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize