Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
