There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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