and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize