Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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