Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
