the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
