Jerry, you need to find god
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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