We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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