I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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