eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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