i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
