If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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