ugly people sure do ruin things
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
