her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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