Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
