birth control should be required to get into college
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
