i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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