thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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