So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
