So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
