return my video game
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
