She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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