i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
