opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize