I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize