I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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