I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's rum buckets o'clock
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
