I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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