WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
