I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
did i walk over a car last night?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
