Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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