Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
