I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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