I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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