There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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