I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
