I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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