On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
