I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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