yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
