Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize