i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize