TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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