why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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