Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
