So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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