Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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