WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
