if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
