can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
