Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize