do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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