If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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