I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
