I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
