And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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