Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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