honey bunches of taint.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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